Notes: On Being Single in Your 20's

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You get to a point in your post-university life, where all of your once dependable drinking crew are suddenly no longer available for Friday night wine time. Once upon a time your social media feeds were filled with shots of partying and drinking, swiftly followed by the hangover posts the next day, but nowadays it seems that your feeds are filled with engagements, weddings and baby scans.

Is it just me or sometimes do you feel like you are being a bit... left behind.

I was in a relationship for the first few years of my 20s, at a time when lots of things were changing. Graduations, moving house (too many times), new jobs, and lots of friends emigrating. (because that's what Irish people do when they graduate.) When this relationship ended I realised that as I had become settled, so had all of my friends, so when I looked around me for mates to blow off some steam with I was having to contend with two sets of social calendars- my friends and their other halves.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my friends, and I love seeing them happy, but being single in your 20s is not the fun-fest everyone makes it out to be. My coupled up friends make it sound very glamorous and exciting. "Oh I'd love to be single again!" They cry, as they swipe through my tinder and match me with boys I'd never look twice at, and while I am having fun being on my own, its not a new date every night and girly nights out every weekend, it's quite a lot of wasting time with creepy guys, making enough food for 2 out of habit and then eating it all, and finding letters and pictures from your ex while unpacking your new flat and having a marathon crying sesh.

I firmly believe however, that you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. It's hard to put into words how important it is to be happy and content with your own life before you can become a part of someone else's.
If you are single and actively dating, then it can be hard not to fall into the trap of settling down with the first person you have a spark with, but often these relationships just lead to disappointment and heartbreak as we are not ready to welcome someone else into our lives.

Being alone is not the same as being lonely, and as long as you have other things going for you, then you won't feel lonely and the right person will come along whether we are looking for them or not. Being alone means making decisions that suit you and not having to consider anyone else, it's eating that last chocolate by yourself and not having to pretend you didn't want it. It's having all the room you like on the sofa and not having to make room.
Being lonely is very different to this, being lonely is noticing the lack of influence on your decision making, it's eating too much because you forgot to make a smaller portion than you're used to and it's a big gap on the sofa where you think someone else should be.
Being happy in whatever position you're in is being happy in yourself and this makes it much easier to welcome someone else in.

The main thing to remember is no matter how lonely you may feel at times, being lonely is not the right reason to get into a relationship, and these things can't be forced.
So be happy with yourself, prioritise yourself and the right person will easily find their way in.


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