Fashionably Late

You get to a point in your post-university life, where all of your once dependable drinking crew are suddenly no longer available for Friday night wine time. Once upon a time your social media feeds were filled with shots of partying and drinking, swiftly followed by the hangover posts the next day, but nowadays it seems that your feeds are filled with engagements, weddings and baby scans.

Is it just me or sometimes do you feel like you are being a bit... left behind.

I was in a relationship for the first few years of my 20s, at a time when lots of things were changing. Graduations, moving house (too many times), new jobs, and lots of friends emigrating. (because that's what Irish people do when they graduate.) When this relationship ended I realised that as I had become settled, so had all of my friends, so when I looked around me for mates to blow off some steam with I was having to contend with two sets of social calendars- my friends and their other halves.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my friends, and I love seeing them happy, but being single in your 20s is not the fun-fest everyone makes it out to be. My coupled up friends make it sound very glamorous and exciting. "Oh I'd love to be single again!" They cry, as they swipe through my tinder and match me with boys I'd never look twice at, and while I am having fun being on my own, its not a new date every night and girly nights out every weekend, it's quite a lot of wasting time with creepy guys, making enough food for 2 out of habit and then eating it all, and finding letters and pictures from your ex while unpacking your new flat and having a marathon crying sesh.

I firmly believe however, that you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. It's hard to put into words how important it is to be happy and content with your own life before you can become a part of someone else's.
If you are single and actively dating, then it can be hard not to fall into the trap of settling down with the first person you have a spark with, but often these relationships just lead to disappointment and heartbreak as we are not ready to welcome someone else into our lives.

Being alone is not the same as being lonely, and as long as you have other things going for you, then you won't feel lonely and the right person will come along whether we are looking for them or not. Being alone means making decisions that suit you and not having to consider anyone else, it's eating that last chocolate by yourself and not having to pretend you didn't want it. It's having all the room you like on the sofa and not having to make room.
Being lonely is very different to this, being lonely is noticing the lack of influence on your decision making, it's eating too much because you forgot to make a smaller portion than you're used to and it's a big gap on the sofa where you think someone else should be.
Being happy in whatever position you're in is being happy in yourself and this makes it much easier to welcome someone else in.

The main thing to remember is no matter how lonely you may feel at times, being lonely is not the right reason to get into a relationship, and these things can't be forced.
So be happy with yourself, prioritise yourself and the right person will easily find their way in.

1. Your beauty is not defined by the number of 'likes' on a selfie
2. It's OK to say no sometimes and miss out on a night out. Sometimes rest and recuperation is vital.
3. Friends will come and go in life, but a few will always stick by you. Make sure you always stick by them.
4. Shit happens. You've just got to remember to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get on with things.
5. But still know that big girls do cry, and crying is definitely OK from time to time.
6. Always try and learn new things and try to expand your horizons. It will make you more interesting and help you meet new people.
7. Find something you are passionate about. Fully immerse yourself in it.
8. Know that when you feel inadequate or anxious, everyone you compare yourself to has those feelings too.
9. But do try not to compare yourself to anyone else. You are living your own story and creating your own timeline.
10. When you feel stuck in a rut, try doing something new or creative, it will help you vent your frustrations and give you a fresh outlook on things.
11. Don't take yourself too seriously, let your hair down and have a laugh once in a while.
12. If you don't know what to wear a little black dress will never let you down.
13. Don't worry about what other people think of you, most people you stress about probably don't give you a second thought anyway.
14. Nothing feels better than fresh sheets, a bubble bath and a scented candle.
15. If it's been a really bad day add wine to the above.
16. You've got lots of time to get your shit together, but if something urgent comes up don't bury your head in the sand.
17. Your 20's are for experimenting, travelling and having fun. Use this decade to achieve your dreams.
18. Don't settle for something you aren't fully happy with. Be that a relationship, a job or just your current living situation, it's never too late to let go and change direction.
19. Say yes to life. Your comfort zone quickly becomes boring and stepping out of it is easier than it seems. 
20. It's better to try and fail and something than to regret never trying it.

Sometimes, life is going amazingly, swimmingly well and the plans for the future that you've spent your entire life perfecting is 100% on track, but it only takes one little thing to make the whole house of cards come crashing down around you.

Whether its your job, family, or a relationship, things can literally change in an instant throwing the entire plan out of the window.

Well I'm here to say, Fuck the life plan.

As much as we like to believe the opposite, it is not possible to control your destiny. Many things come into play to get your life to where it is going, and the only things we can do to influence them is to give our all to everything, and to say yes to whatever opportunities come our way.
It might seem like a lovely idea to have a step by step plan consisting of which age you want to meet 'The One', get married, buy a house, have kids etc, but all of this just puts so much unnecessary pressure on you to get things done that sometimes we compromise our happiness and parts of ourselves to do what seems right, when really you should be doing what is right for you and no-one else.

Personally, I believe that your 20's is a time for finding yourself, loving yourself and enjoying yourself, but if you spend all of your time trying to get your shit together then you'll be unable to fully enjoy the experience your 20's should be.

Whether you want to spend your Saturday nights drinking wine with the girls and dancing all night, or curled up on the sofa with your other half watching reality telly, that's your perogative, but you should decide this based solely on what feels right for you and not what you think you're supposed to be doing. Everyone gets FOMO and I can guarantee that no-one is having as amazing of a time as their insta feed leads you to believe, so if you're ever having a down day, as all of us do, switch off your social media, take a break and re-evaluate what's important in life. Remember that even if someone else's life looks like it has a plan, chances are they've had bumps in the road to get there and they've had to readjust accordingly.

So just keep your head up, try your best and do what makes you happy, don't put up with other peoples bullshit and don't get hard on yourself for struggling sometimes, because it is your life, nobody else's and as long as you get where you're supposed to be then it doesn't matter what path you take to get there.